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So my two favorite actives have got to be Nathan Chan and Stephanie Patton. Stephanie is the most intelligent, beautiful person there is. And she is amazing at mock trial. She taught me everything that I know. I appreciate her for everything that he has done. Nathan Chan is the coolest freshman there is in the whole wide world. NOBODY PUTS NATHAN IN A CORNER. I MEAN IT. So like as the actives know, I have an alcohol problem. I might need to go to alcoholics anonymous and say something like, “My name is Tyler Jones and I am an alcoholic.” It is a serious problem that I have to deal with when I am finished pledging for Kappa Alpha Pi. Hopefully I get it straightened out this summer. I think I am going out to a party tomorrow, but I can assure the active body and especially Ms. Zhai that it will not be crackin in Rieber Vista. Better yet, I have learned my lesson not to blow drunk breath onto an actives face. I guess it is a good thing that I am an alcoholic because that means I will fit right in with the rest of the lawyers when I am in law school. Ms. Patton’s mock trial workshop last week taught me that I should always ask leading questions on cross examination such as “do you have a yes for me?” I am very jealous that I did not get to go to the sleepover held by the Strumpets of Mock Trial. I heard it was a lot of fun and that I missed out on a lot. The girls in Mock Trial are clearly superior to the boys and will probably run the program next year. Although the girls wouldn’t tell me what the talked about, the one thing I learned was that Gokul has a girlfriend.
